I wanna be a song writer once wake up from dream~ write it out write it out
compose it and sing.....~ Like i used to do it.... Like dad used to do it
Suddenly I miss the moment when i really thought one day i can be an artist lolz....but end up being a science student...cisss....
maybe the plant kingdom needs me...
and I miss those time i will draw and design clothes on drawing paper, plain paper~ I some more cut those old clothes and tried to sew it into a fashionable one....not turn out too well cause i don't use sewing machine...don't know how to use....cissss
And now....I am cooking and making all kind of food..... thought wanna open a restaurant in the future....
What am I thinking....who I wanna be? =) perhaps i should brush up all. I did all that when i was a kid without knowing a person can only be someone..... I wanna be someone in every things....kekekez....
I was a good writer for chinese essay. always one of the top scorers. My essays always get published and earned every week when i was in secondary. I used to think that I will be a writer when i grow up...but out of nowhere, I am too used to english and no longer write too much in chinese...which many of it i forget how they look like....gotta read more books...jeeze... my friends is working her story now.... i think she will earn a few buckets when her stories got published.
I wanna have A brand of my own for my fashion line, my mom is good at it, and i do interested with it when i was a kid...really i collected lots. only papers i meant...=.=
A brand for my own restaurant, my art~ my dad is a creative person, a great door designer...cause many out there copied his design...lol... told him to get his copyright...jeeeeze....
I used to dream that i will be...I should keep on dreaming. It is good. I know I got many things to do. People, stop telling me to say you can't do this and that. I want a yes and I wanna do it...=)
Why I don't feel that great about it?....time passes too fast, life is dull because people tell to stop dreaming.
ah...this is my life. I should not care what they say. I want a great one...
Saturday, 11 December 2010
Sunday, 28 November 2010
Hi blogger,
It is finally holiday. Today is the first day of my holiday spent at home. I woke up thinking that I gotta do something, I have a few objectives to fulfill in this one month break. yea. I have and I have to determine enough to fulfill it. Getting a job is no longer practical for me cause I don't have a car at this stage. But I won't just sit at home and rot and wait for my stupid cgpa to come out (I don't wish to see that anyway).
There are a lot of thoughts and a lot of things that I just recently found out. Yesterday was a surprised for me. Cause I didn't know that my parents are having some hard times because they are just like me, covering up themselves so well. Talking to dad was a pleasure to me and we had some heart to heart talk. He did tell me about his situation, about our life now which today we might eat something good and we never know about tomorrow. My heart sank when i looked at him. Not feeling disappointed, not frustrated, it is just heart pain to see what he is going through and I can't do anything to lessen his pain. It is not easy cause I don't have what is required to do that yet.I know his pride just like how well I know my pride. It is not easy, not gonna be easy and I won't believe it.
yesterday I also came to realize actually being less poor didn't actually mean that gonna make a super big difference in our life, not for this family anyway. We can be physically poor but never spiritually or mentally. I feel calm when I know this is normal and this is okay, this is just temporary. But I feel panic when I need to explain to this society, I told myself I shouldn't be afraid to admit it. I know I don't want to be pitied and felt sorry for. I don't want people to say I can help you if you need, just tell me if there is anything. I borrow you. err...no... We don't need anything seriously. We have everything that is enough for us, just we might not have something extra but it doesn't mean we have anything lesser than anyone else. Perspective. I changed. God, I know you always has a plan for me. I shouldn't be afraid anymore. Just be contented and grow rich. =)
There are a lot of thoughts and a lot of things that I just recently found out. Yesterday was a surprised for me. Cause I didn't know that my parents are having some hard times because they are just like me, covering up themselves so well. Talking to dad was a pleasure to me and we had some heart to heart talk. He did tell me about his situation, about our life now which today we might eat something good and we never know about tomorrow. My heart sank when i looked at him. Not feeling disappointed, not frustrated, it is just heart pain to see what he is going through and I can't do anything to lessen his pain. It is not easy cause I don't have what is required to do that yet.I know his pride just like how well I know my pride. It is not easy, not gonna be easy and I won't believe it.
yesterday I also came to realize actually being less poor didn't actually mean that gonna make a super big difference in our life, not for this family anyway. We can be physically poor but never spiritually or mentally. I feel calm when I know this is normal and this is okay, this is just temporary. But I feel panic when I need to explain to this society, I told myself I shouldn't be afraid to admit it. I know I don't want to be pitied and felt sorry for. I don't want people to say I can help you if you need, just tell me if there is anything. I borrow you. err...no... We don't need anything seriously. We have everything that is enough for us, just we might not have something extra but it doesn't mean we have anything lesser than anyone else. Perspective. I changed. God, I know you always has a plan for me. I shouldn't be afraid anymore. Just be contented and grow rich. =)
Tuesday, 25 May 2010
Result ... ever wonder *
Result was out yesterday, as i used to expect, I did not get what I want. =S and knowing many out there doing better and so much good than me, surprisingly, I feel calm and able to congratz and happy for them from bottom of my heart. Last time I was up there to celebrate but now I am down here to see and share the happiness.
A setback like this is a reminder in life for me. I got back my courage and able to move on. Praise God that I can accept it easily although with tears. I am able to console others. =P Seriously thinking back my past, I once was on the top of hill and once I was no where else where i could not see my own position. This setback is already something I use to. because my ability is kinda of limited. Only some setbacks like this will push me even harder than before. I take it with a smile (whatever kind of smile you say).
My own selfishness still under controlled, I encourage people to email lecturer, teach them to fight and hope for the best regardless it might affect my position. But I know others deserve it more than I do. ( you might ask me how sure are you? ) haha. I am sure. I am a lucky girl who might not always seem to be lucky but you see People pay attention to me, olders care about me. Parents even superb.
I talked to my dad about pre-marital sex last night, from his opinion, it is fine to have sex before marriage but must be respobsible for whatever we do. must be with a fix person ,not simply make love and fool around. I knew his answer. Cause I thought the same too. Anyway, it is better to have it after marriage.
As a father, although he has a bad-temper, always speak loudly and scold loudly like a boss because it is his nature ( I can say), stressful works and workers make him to be who he is today. Anyway, he is open-minded, he talked to me regardless of I am a daughter or son of him. I am touched that he told me that He treat this life as nothing, nothing not as if zero or empty all that. Just he will do his best for his life and his family. But to live how long in this earth is not important at all for him. He told me, as a father, what i can do is buy insurans, anything happens on me, my family is still able to survive. You might not find this sentence touching, insurans isn't about the money but responsibility towards their loved one when they no longer able to protect their loved one. I look at him and I know how much he loves us. The way he loves us is not soemthing we can see but his love is something which it might take you a long time to realize or maybe after he has gone only you will discover.
I got a message from God, it is an application from facebook. My dear told me God notices me. The application is a group of people doing the job to send message to those who believes. I always read it. Maybe God talks to them about my problem. Because I always receive something I really need. It helps me. Here is what i receive:
On this day, God wants you to know..
.. That recession is also a time of great opportunity. Time and time again in success has its roots in failure, because failure knocks you down from top of the hill so you can then climb a mountain. Yes, it's unsettling, yes it's scary. But this can be your greatest opportunity in life, - if you choose it. The recession has cleared the space of clutter,- Think what have you always wanted to do but brushed aside from the top of your hill? Now, is the time...
Praise God.
A setback like this is a reminder in life for me. I got back my courage and able to move on. Praise God that I can accept it easily although with tears. I am able to console others. =P Seriously thinking back my past, I once was on the top of hill and once I was no where else where i could not see my own position. This setback is already something I use to. because my ability is kinda of limited. Only some setbacks like this will push me even harder than before. I take it with a smile (whatever kind of smile you say).
My own selfishness still under controlled, I encourage people to email lecturer, teach them to fight and hope for the best regardless it might affect my position. But I know others deserve it more than I do. ( you might ask me how sure are you? ) haha. I am sure. I am a lucky girl who might not always seem to be lucky but you see People pay attention to me, olders care about me. Parents even superb.
I talked to my dad about pre-marital sex last night, from his opinion, it is fine to have sex before marriage but must be respobsible for whatever we do. must be with a fix person ,not simply make love and fool around. I knew his answer. Cause I thought the same too. Anyway, it is better to have it after marriage.
As a father, although he has a bad-temper, always speak loudly and scold loudly like a boss because it is his nature ( I can say), stressful works and workers make him to be who he is today. Anyway, he is open-minded, he talked to me regardless of I am a daughter or son of him. I am touched that he told me that He treat this life as nothing, nothing not as if zero or empty all that. Just he will do his best for his life and his family. But to live how long in this earth is not important at all for him. He told me, as a father, what i can do is buy insurans, anything happens on me, my family is still able to survive. You might not find this sentence touching, insurans isn't about the money but responsibility towards their loved one when they no longer able to protect their loved one. I look at him and I know how much he loves us. The way he loves us is not soemthing we can see but his love is something which it might take you a long time to realize or maybe after he has gone only you will discover.
I got a message from God, it is an application from facebook. My dear told me God notices me. The application is a group of people doing the job to send message to those who believes. I always read it. Maybe God talks to them about my problem. Because I always receive something I really need. It helps me. Here is what i receive:
On this day, God wants you to know..
.. That recession is also a time of great opportunity. Time and time again in success has its roots in failure, because failure knocks you down from top of the hill so you can then climb a mountain. Yes, it's unsettling, yes it's scary. But this can be your greatest opportunity in life, - if you choose it. The recession has cleared the space of clutter,- Think what have you always wanted to do but brushed aside from the top of your hill? Now, is the time...
Praise God.
Wednesday, 17 February 2010
oh damn...
Hi, it is already wednesday. Oh Hello to mid-term exam. because of the Godamn people in uni, my whole CNY was ruined. I thought i could smile, temporary forget the stuff in uni and my stupid idiot people that i trust. But I couldnt stand with my fake smile anymore. I couldnt even look at myself, I feel myself is ugly enough, i just want to puke.. What is wrong? WHAT THE HELL is going wrong with me?
During this CNY, valentine's day...
I am sicked with those questions- " Where is your bf""why he didnt come" why he never helps" why you never intro" why you so secretive" why i didnt see your bf" which almost 90% of the people i meet will ask me about. What i need is not these kind of questions. I want you guys to ask about MYself. cause if you ask me about others , you know what...I am so helpless about them. I dont know why and because it was one day, i asked them dont need to come and i dont know how to answer people when they ask me about how is my relationship going on, I tell story like it is still the same from before until now. I just cant help to feel hurt inside. It is not good. Cause I suck. I AM SUCK in everything.
People out there especially to uni frens, listen, whatever you guys ask, i will give you guys NO. NO TIME . BUSY. CANT HELP. some similar and many more answers like that. I already made up my mind. that is too bad for some fren who always want to take advantage of me. I Got my limit and i will angry anytime i want, anytime I like. I wont be so kind and nice anymore. when i show you my true colour, JUST dont be surprised =) I AM TIRED WIHT YOU GUYS acting.
During this CNY, valentine's day...
I am sicked with those questions- " Where is your bf""why he didnt come" why he never helps" why you never intro" why you so secretive" why i didnt see your bf" which almost 90% of the people i meet will ask me about. What i need is not these kind of questions. I want you guys to ask about MYself. cause if you ask me about others , you know what...I am so helpless about them. I dont know why and because it was one day, i asked them dont need to come and i dont know how to answer people when they ask me about how is my relationship going on, I tell story like it is still the same from before until now. I just cant help to feel hurt inside. It is not good. Cause I suck. I AM SUCK in everything.
People out there especially to uni frens, listen, whatever you guys ask, i will give you guys NO. NO TIME . BUSY. CANT HELP. some similar and many more answers like that. I already made up my mind. that is too bad for some fren who always want to take advantage of me. I Got my limit and i will angry anytime i want, anytime I like. I wont be so kind and nice anymore. when i show you my true colour, JUST dont be surprised =) I AM TIRED WIHT YOU GUYS acting.
Friday, 12 February 2010
Corner of heart
I skipped class today. one class which is about ethnic. guess you know what criticism will i got in class today but I dont care regardless of what you would like to say.
I have been lectured since the begining of this sem. nah. last sem also got just this sem i wonder why I was the one who did alot of works and still ended up being lectured or scolded. While my partner who doesnt do, i can say not even 20% of the whole assignment is the one who earns the credit. I feel unfair but I just keep quiet. That is why i hate group assignment so much. Parasites everywhere, the one who contributes receive criticism whereas the one who rarely do anything earns the credit.
I attended all the classes and still end up being lectured said i didnt come, always absent. During class, i wonder who is the one that the lecturer looking at . Ghost? my spirit? or maybe she got too many students that couldnt remember me. I never even absent once since the sem has started, except today but it was not her class. I feel hurt that i am not appreciated but being scolded instead. I told myself that even none of a single person in this world can understand myself enough also I dont need to feel sad. I just need to continue with life and as long as God knows that i am doing a good job, that is already enough.
I always being said "polarisasi kaum". I wonder what the heck about others? please dont just point the finger at me and my group. I am so boring to listen to all these craps when summit group list, being lectured on the spot about working with people , different ethnic all stuff. Where the hell can i find someone to work with me? only if they want. not i didnt ask but they are not interested to join cause it is my fault that i am not familiar with them enough. But I understand you guys really want me to learn. I understand and pleaseee give me time to find. Dont just see me one time, lecture me one time. I sometime really cant stand with it. I am REALLY going suffocated.
Dont everytime i will be the only target, be the one who done so much and be the one being lectured among my friends. My friends can just stand there, look at me innocently as if i am the only one who did wrongly and they dont have fault at all? Can i tell the lecturer that please dont just stare at me when you lecture all of us?
Dear all my lecturers, thank you so much that you guys tell me that i am weak enough that i got so much need to learn.
I know very often in life, I learned something earlier than others, I just need to take the feedback and criticism positively then turn it into a new force that will make me do even better in my life . I know this is the time. So I thank God that I learned so much earlier today and when I work, I shall be strong enough to face the criticism again.
Hit me with a big rock, I will hurt but after I recover, I will destroy the rock when you hit me next time.
Actually I am proud of myself enough that i need to face tonnes of problem in this short period of time but i still able to do my work regardless of how hurt i can be compare to others who just lamenting that they cant because of this and that.
Friends , Works and Criticism.
I think this is what I will face when i work.
The FAKE people who looks sincere enough to let me know who they really are, they act so much better than i could never expect.
The WORKS that I dont know, and too many blur instructions that I gotta redo keep redoing, keep running check and change by my own for GROUP Assignment within 2 hours.
What I earn from friend is just "thank you and sorry that I didnt do much". I am already used to this kind of "rewards".
Criticism eiher from lecturers or friends.
I care a lot of the criticism from lecturers. I wish I can perform better according to their demands but never expect to perform so badly at last.
there are tonnes of other things that i couldnt say here.
at least this 40% is better to throw it here than to keep 100% to myself.
I will not just get over with this 40%, I will deal with it instead. Cause honestly speaking, I got my faults.
I have been lectured since the begining of this sem. nah. last sem also got just this sem i wonder why I was the one who did alot of works and still ended up being lectured or scolded. While my partner who doesnt do, i can say not even 20% of the whole assignment is the one who earns the credit. I feel unfair but I just keep quiet. That is why i hate group assignment so much. Parasites everywhere, the one who contributes receive criticism whereas the one who rarely do anything earns the credit.
I attended all the classes and still end up being lectured said i didnt come, always absent. During class, i wonder who is the one that the lecturer looking at . Ghost? my spirit? or maybe she got too many students that couldnt remember me. I never even absent once since the sem has started, except today but it was not her class. I feel hurt that i am not appreciated but being scolded instead. I told myself that even none of a single person in this world can understand myself enough also I dont need to feel sad. I just need to continue with life and as long as God knows that i am doing a good job, that is already enough.
I always being said "polarisasi kaum". I wonder what the heck about others? please dont just point the finger at me and my group. I am so boring to listen to all these craps when summit group list, being lectured on the spot about working with people , different ethnic all stuff. Where the hell can i find someone to work with me? only if they want. not i didnt ask but they are not interested to join cause it is my fault that i am not familiar with them enough. But I understand you guys really want me to learn. I understand and pleaseee give me time to find. Dont just see me one time, lecture me one time. I sometime really cant stand with it. I am REALLY going suffocated.
Dont everytime i will be the only target, be the one who done so much and be the one being lectured among my friends. My friends can just stand there, look at me innocently as if i am the only one who did wrongly and they dont have fault at all? Can i tell the lecturer that please dont just stare at me when you lecture all of us?
Dear all my lecturers, thank you so much that you guys tell me that i am weak enough that i got so much need to learn.
I know very often in life, I learned something earlier than others, I just need to take the feedback and criticism positively then turn it into a new force that will make me do even better in my life . I know this is the time. So I thank God that I learned so much earlier today and when I work, I shall be strong enough to face the criticism again.
Hit me with a big rock, I will hurt but after I recover, I will destroy the rock when you hit me next time.
Actually I am proud of myself enough that i need to face tonnes of problem in this short period of time but i still able to do my work regardless of how hurt i can be compare to others who just lamenting that they cant because of this and that.
Friends , Works and Criticism.
I think this is what I will face when i work.
The FAKE people who looks sincere enough to let me know who they really are, they act so much better than i could never expect.
The WORKS that I dont know, and too many blur instructions that I gotta redo keep redoing, keep running check and change by my own for GROUP Assignment within 2 hours.
What I earn from friend is just "thank you and sorry that I didnt do much". I am already used to this kind of "rewards".
Criticism eiher from lecturers or friends.
I care a lot of the criticism from lecturers. I wish I can perform better according to their demands but never expect to perform so badly at last.
there are tonnes of other things that i couldnt say here.
at least this 40% is better to throw it here than to keep 100% to myself.
I will not just get over with this 40%, I will deal with it instead. Cause honestly speaking, I got my faults.
Wednesday, 10 February 2010
I am going home soon
All my friends go home today. Left me behind alone. need to help them take attendance doing some dangerous stuffs. hope everything will be smooth for me tomorrow.
anyway, I am going home soon too. I thought I am happy, but i am not. I scare to face my parents... I scare they will be sad to see me become like this. I am sad to see myself like this too. I just cant help and I want to be strong too. I keep eating in these few days just to hope that i will look better. I never expect that I need to be like this. I wonder if i am really okay. I know I try to be strong, people dont know how much i go through. but when the nite falls, I am still the same, I just want to cry out loud. I want to talk but who can i talk to now other than myself.
gotta admit that this is part of the life, i gotta go through it myself.
be strong..
anyway, I am going home soon too. I thought I am happy, but i am not. I scare to face my parents... I scare they will be sad to see me become like this. I am sad to see myself like this too. I just cant help and I want to be strong too. I keep eating in these few days just to hope that i will look better. I never expect that I need to be like this. I wonder if i am really okay. I know I try to be strong, people dont know how much i go through. but when the nite falls, I am still the same, I just want to cry out loud. I want to talk but who can i talk to now other than myself.
gotta admit that this is part of the life, i gotta go through it myself.
be strong..
Sunday, 7 February 2010
Okay, Nobody to talk to I talk to you.!!!
IF not because of that stupid assignment, I wont be quiet typing here. I want to talk!!! I lost my Rm560+ today. And MY FREN WHO I TRUST MIGHT BE the oen who stole my money! I am so confused who to trust and what is happening!! I AM so stupid enough to continue doing my stupid asshole group assignment. I lost Rm600+ this month. I have saved so hard and it all just missing like that. What the hell. WHAT THE HELL!!!! and I Am not happy at all! I am not happy recently!!! SINCE LAST LAST WEEK!! I am so pity that i got nobody to refer to, I only can cry and sulk. I called and everyone is busy with cny. I called another one, too bad it is still the same, nobody picks up. I just want to talk to someone that closed to me. fren? I talk to them only i find myself feeling worse of myself. They wont say something good but show me how pityful i am..how unlucky i can be. yawn...what the hell I am still here. nothing more to expect. I only can depend on myself and trust myself. I am your solution but so often you are my problem.
Saturday, 6 February 2010
WHY I DONT LIE!!!
WHY I dont lie...Why...if i lie i already got the stupid chop. WHAT the hell... I really dont understand why you guys dont understand that the reason why i couldnt attend!!! IT IS NOT I DONT WANT TO GO It is not i dont wake up in the morning or go back home celebrating , it not like i will get anything better for not attending..It is all because i got coccuriculum need to go which will give me 3 credit hours, if i didnt attend, i gotta repeat this stupid activity for my whole semester and you know this compulsory stuff if dont go also need to repeat next year. WHY you have to force us to die?? why !!! This uni is a hell of shits. LOTs of shitty systems , Dont need to pretend as if it is really that clean or good. you know your standard lar, you know how lame and HOW CORRUPTED you are. You no need to act as if you are high standard. can just go and eat shit lar. What need to follow the rules hope i understand. You dont even understand, I think one day if someone treat your own children the same way , what will you think? you say you are linear, say only. you are you lar, we are still ourselves lar. different obviously.
why i dont lie...if i lie , i dont need to feel so sad right now and definitely will get the chop BUT WHY I DONT LIE WHY!!!! WHY I have to be so good. see ...once again what i got... Overall it is still my fault for being honest. God, YoU created a dirty world like this and you want us to stay clean in this dirty world. what the hell.
why i dont lie...if i lie , i dont need to feel so sad right now and definitely will get the chop BUT WHY I DONT LIE WHY!!!! WHY I have to be so good. see ...once again what i got... Overall it is still my fault for being honest. God, YoU created a dirty world like this and you want us to stay clean in this dirty world. what the hell.
Tuesday, 2 February 2010
First time I could say no by my wholeheartedly
One of my "used to be" good friends was having birthday party yesterday. I was actually thinking to attend her birthday party but I didnt go at last despite they already invited me earlier. It seems like I still couldnt act like as if nothing has happened in front of them. My limit is that we all can only remain as friends but no longer more than that. hmm, I find myself has forgiven them but not forget entirely. At least one of my principles, from the beginning since the first second of our first meet, I will invest 101% of trust for everybody i know. The rest is depending on how that person treasure it. If that person don't appreciate it and trying to break it into pieces, I wont be able to do the rest for you guys - the job of mending it and be as if nothing has happened. The life for being boycotted was seriously not fun, especially knowing you own clique trying to boycott you and you dont know a thing at all but being lied as if everything is fine. It's just disappointed. This is very clear to show me that how much you guys worth to me. and that is why, you should know why you don't deserve me as your friends. but thank you guys, for your different attitudes that teach me how to grow in such a situation though i already learnt that before. No matter what you would like to say about me, say i am not good enough , not sincere, didnt remember your birthday or what. I no longer care. I only care what I have promised myself and my parents. my own principle. oh ya! i think i even share the present with you guys eventhough i didnt go for that party. yawn..I guess I am something wrong~ but fine since my mom says is fine if i want to share.
Wednesday, 27 January 2010
Is this the end ?
I am tired, seriously saying, my mental cant really think further anymore, my physical body is too weak, i often feel like i am going to faint, i can just sit in the hall and suddenly feel black out. It all happens unconsciously. Everyday I laughs and makes people laugh. It doesn't really make me feel good at all, alot of things are missing. Some people even recommend me to be a joker in the TV program. Nowadays,I realize that my body is weak, aching, my face is getting worst, my chest pain, here pain there pain. =.= I feel like i am going to die, I often feel sad as if i am one of the people who is staying in the hospital helplessly looking at the calender counting days... Am I coming to the end? If so, Please let me know cause I don't want to die here, let me know, let me have time to go back home. Let me take my time to die in a place i like. I beg your mercy. At least do me this favor.
I know it is good to feel alive again after you thought you are going to die.
I know it is very important to appreciate each breathing moments after all.
I know quite often we didnt realize to stay alive is a bliss.
I know alot of people do not have this chance.
I know alot of people who have this chance choose the other way round.
I know most of the time, we searching for releasable by saying this life is a burden.
I know Life is beautiful but it is complicated that we hardly make it
I know We dont need to understand, cause there are many outcomes, many outcomes.
I know I just gotta make sure that i am alive before those people who loves me go away.
After all gone, I will be gone too .
I know it is good to feel alive again after you thought you are going to die.
I know it is very important to appreciate each breathing moments after all.
I know quite often we didnt realize to stay alive is a bliss.
I know alot of people do not have this chance.
I know alot of people who have this chance choose the other way round.
I know most of the time, we searching for releasable by saying this life is a burden.
I know Life is beautiful but it is complicated that we hardly make it
I know We dont need to understand, cause there are many outcomes, many outcomes.
I know I just gotta make sure that i am alive before those people who loves me go away.
After all gone, I will be gone too .
Monday, 25 January 2010
Monday 25 jan 2010
Oh yes! left 3 weeks to go back home! ha ha ha...cant wait! Time, i know you are doing me a favor for all the time. When i am here i am looking forward to go home, you can fly as fast as you like and when i already reach home please freeze abit..slow down. i dont care how, i beg your mercy. xD
Today was a day in which all the assignments came together and needed to settle within 2 or 3 weeks. =.= PROJECTS. alright, I love it. lolzS cause i just cant wait to get all done and go home hehe. erm, one of my fren recommend me to write songs lyric like those senget" song and she will love to help me post it to youtube. She really admires and enjoys my jokes". She told me the way i communicate with people and the words i use are so funny. =.= shrug. I dont feel like laughing even though they laugh like cant help themselve. I guess maybe I dont even know if I am joking. But as long as I can make somebody or many people laugh and be happy even for a moment, I will be happy too ~ thank God for that talent. x)
Today was a day in which all the assignments came together and needed to settle within 2 or 3 weeks. =.= PROJECTS. alright, I love it. lolzS cause i just cant wait to get all done and go home hehe. erm, one of my fren recommend me to write songs lyric like those senget" song and she will love to help me post it to youtube. She really admires and enjoys my jokes". She told me the way i communicate with people and the words i use are so funny. =.= shrug. I dont feel like laughing even though they laugh like cant help themselve. I guess maybe I dont even know if I am joking. But as long as I can make somebody or many people laugh and be happy even for a moment, I will be happy too ~ thank God for that talent. x)
Thursday, 21 January 2010
Home! I wanna go home...
I have been thinking of home. I miss home. I cant help from being tension regardless of the hours i sleep. I hope I dont need to get tired easily so that I can do what i should do. I am kinda of sick with myself now. I am so tired to hold on... I wanna go back to find my mom and dad and tell them i wanna stay on their side. How nice if I can study what i like at the same time i can see my family everyday just like my kuching fren, everyweek go back still they will feel homesick too. I guess you can imagine those people like me. sigh.. home is what i really need.
Wednesday, 20 January 2010
another day of my life, all I can do is keep breathing.
I wish to go back home early. Just after finished activity, I was sitting alone at the bus stop, watching cars and people busy heading for their destination, I cant stop myself from thinking how much i really wish to be home at this moment. I love my course and most important i enjoy what i am studying except micro cause the lecturer pronounciation is kinda of weird, shape become sex..=.= so, i dont wanna comment about it. They are pity too cause in order to be a researcher to carry out the reasearch by using government fund, they have to be a lecturer. I guess that is why so many people here got their phd or Dr but they are still bad in explaining stuff.
I miss spending time with my family. I miss everyone so much. My fren here will be going home early except me. I will be here alone to study and help them take attendance. I really dont mind doing all that but I really wish I can be like them to go home early. I just cant wait to see how is my place looks like now, a land which i have been staying for so long will have a big change soon, I thought i can change my parents mind cause i really love my place so much. but it seems like it is still not something i am able to do. I have tried my best to show my parents about what we can do in this land, make it like a eco-tourism all that but still it doesnt work at all. Anyway, I guess everything happens for a reason.
Today, one of my fren asked me about the job prospect for plant science. We talked about the difference between biotech and plant science as well as the jobs available for plant science.I did mention that my bf might further study in plant breeding. Then I asked her opinion what if her bf is going oversea study and might be working in other country one day , will her give up her current life and follow her bf? Without any hesitation, she answered yes only if she would be offered a job too. I question her back , you are willing to leave your family here and go oversea? her answered once again was the same. I think maybe she is not that closed with her family cause she doesnt seem to care to go home. =S *shrug* I dont know. I seriously is uncertain of my future at this point. I worry the new life that my family and I have to go through, I worry the future life that my bf and I have to go through. but anyway, those are not something i am able to control. However, When it is time, I will be able to know. Good or bad, as long as everyone is having a life they want, I will be happy for them.
I miss spending time with my family. I miss everyone so much. My fren here will be going home early except me. I will be here alone to study and help them take attendance. I really dont mind doing all that but I really wish I can be like them to go home early. I just cant wait to see how is my place looks like now, a land which i have been staying for so long will have a big change soon, I thought i can change my parents mind cause i really love my place so much. but it seems like it is still not something i am able to do. I have tried my best to show my parents about what we can do in this land, make it like a eco-tourism all that but still it doesnt work at all. Anyway, I guess everything happens for a reason.
Today, one of my fren asked me about the job prospect for plant science. We talked about the difference between biotech and plant science as well as the jobs available for plant science.I did mention that my bf might further study in plant breeding. Then I asked her opinion what if her bf is going oversea study and might be working in other country one day , will her give up her current life and follow her bf? Without any hesitation, she answered yes only if she would be offered a job too. I question her back , you are willing to leave your family here and go oversea? her answered once again was the same. I think maybe she is not that closed with her family cause she doesnt seem to care to go home. =S *shrug* I dont know. I seriously is uncertain of my future at this point. I worry the new life that my family and I have to go through, I worry the future life that my bf and I have to go through. but anyway, those are not something i am able to control. However, When it is time, I will be able to know. Good or bad, as long as everyone is having a life they want, I will be happy for them.
Tuesday, 19 January 2010
Oppsss =S
Today, my lecturer asked to see my fren and I. I thought it was about something related to the research. Surprisingly ,she gave us a lecture about" we all shall not always stick together in doing assignment and cant always walk together ,even come to office also cant walk together as a group because we all are Chinese, we have the same skin. She said this would affect our image for other lecturers especially non-Chinese. She some more asked us to do extra works to read more books from the library ,to get to know more about plants instead of studying like a machine for exam only.
She asked us to take initiative to read more ,gain more knowledge so that we don't blame our course as a useless course when we start working. I agree with her. Besides , She also mentioned that we all are too childish, always laugh and behave like kids. =.= By the way, this is what my parents always say to me. I told the lecturer what she said was already told by my parents and they all laughed. I told her that I will get more sun-tan so that my skin would look darker. x) but somehow I would still love to act like a kid cause i find it is fun. Still, time to serious must be serious.
Anyway I am happy to know a lecturer who is really nice enough to tell us and point out our weaknesses privately. She really treat us like treating her own children. I will bear her points in mind which is to take effort to study and gain more knowledge in this short period of time before my brainpower is getting weaker.
Mmm , this is really a nice place although there are many people who doesn't seem to care or even being dedicated enough to teach us either about lecture or about being a good human in here. But Somehow , You know what ? ... I am lucky =) to have a gang of very good friends and get to meet quite a few lecturers who always give us good advice in being a better man. x) I Thank God for that.
She asked us to take initiative to read more ,gain more knowledge so that we don't blame our course as a useless course when we start working. I agree with her. Besides , She also mentioned that we all are too childish, always laugh and behave like kids. =.= By the way, this is what my parents always say to me. I told the lecturer what she said was already told by my parents and they all laughed. I told her that I will get more sun-tan so that my skin would look darker. x) but somehow I would still love to act like a kid cause i find it is fun. Still, time to serious must be serious.
Anyway I am happy to know a lecturer who is really nice enough to tell us and point out our weaknesses privately. She really treat us like treating her own children. I will bear her points in mind which is to take effort to study and gain more knowledge in this short period of time before my brainpower is getting weaker.
Mmm , this is really a nice place although there are many people who doesn't seem to care or even being dedicated enough to teach us either about lecture or about being a good human in here. But Somehow , You know what ? ... I am lucky =) to have a gang of very good friends and get to meet quite a few lecturers who always give us good advice in being a better man. x) I Thank God for that.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
Posts
