"*"* Reaccept who I am ~

Too often I choose to give up my decision.
I give up when i find out it is no longer suitable for me
I give up when i feel unhappy with it
I give up when i do not like it
I give up when thing is not under my expectation
I give up when thing is starting to screw me up







**I am so glad to have parents that always standing by my side and let me decide my future...
Why i feel like this way?






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Well, It is when i start knowing that there is not every parents will let their children choose their own ways..


Most of my friends around me are living "their parents' life"..
I seem to be very lucky compare with them...and yet i used to blame my parents for letting me make up my decision myself and never stop me even though they know i will end up badly....I blamed them for letting me fell down ....I blamed them for not giving me their hands when i fell down but let me to stand up myself ..



Try to recall back, I am too headstrong and stubborn on my way ...My parents already tried their best...They used to advise me and hope that i will listen to them...But At the moment, all the advices just like the water vapours which seemed to exist for a few second and then disappeared instantly from the earth surface..
I couldn't hear it at all..


Now, I am once again given chance to choose my way again....
Yea.....My decision lead me to another same life again
It is just like before....Everything is still the same!!!
I do not like it and tired of it....really.... I hope to give up again...


Nevertheless,I do not give up this time...Maybe it is still not yet time to give up or just I wana try my best before giving up? something is pulling me back....
Don't know why,I just want to stand untill the last minutes...
Maybe I just want to see what will happen ,if I keep holding on till the last moment ...
I shall see about another different ending.....
Life is definitely filled with choices, sometimes you might blame your parents or God for letting you make up the wrong choice...but I could tell you that even God and your parents make up the decision for you, still you won't be satisfying with it..At last you will still blame at God and
your parents...


Wrong choice is a choice too...No matter how hard ,how detail you try to make up your decision, sometimes Things will still be the same in the end....It is FAte...and something destined to happen in your life...
Hence, acceptance and thankful are very important ....
It is the only thing that will make you feel happy...


I am happy now not because I make the right choice....
It is because I am able to reaccept who i am and respect my own decision...

Try to smile.....

I am thinking whether the God is existing or not?....
I am wondering why good people is always the one who is going to die first while bad people is always the one who last survive?

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What leads me to these Questions?






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Today, I was chatting with 2 of my best friends during the recess time. We were sitting near to the form 5 block. My another classmate saw us and she came to talk with my friends.Suddenly her clique also came nearer to the place we were sitting at. They talked,played and joked around as usual. I kept chatting with my friends. Out of nowhere, my classmate and her clique ran away without letting 3 of us knowing what has happened. I just knew somebody pushed behind my back told me the teacher was coming then she quickly disappeared. I thought the teacher was my class teacher.So, I don't care too much and planning to go back class. At the moment i want to leave that place,now only I noticed a teacher was standing beside and staring right at me.I saw her and I gave her a smiled as a greeting to her. But her expression told me that something bad was going to happen.[Yea, I am right]..The teacher started to blah blah blah and scolding me without asking anything. I was so surprising that she didn't even make sure first before she was going to open her mouth. I was stunned at the moment, stared at her as if I am the one who commit 'crime'.I keep smiling at her and let her finished her 'sentences'. After she yelling at me to go back to my class.Then I only left....

I feel like what the heck she is thinking and worst what am I doing...
Sigh* whatever...I just don't want to explain too much for her. The more I try to explain,the more she would scold..So whatever...


Today Lesson- Sometimes we must learn to be a bad person. Be smart and tricky, you will live  longer...Nobody will go to salute a good people. Good is equalling to stupid in reality...Only those who know how to take short cut will reach their destination. Those who just stick to the rule will only lead themselves to the trouble.
Thinking back...

I used to be a bad person,I found out i am not born ed to be like that..Some people may try so hard to learn become a thief,but somehow they just couldn't make it and end up become a police.There is not everybody can become a thief.Everything must has potential,even become a thief too. How sarcastic right? ha ha...


I just want to find some places to let out my feeling in order to balance myself.
Although i know this is not the right way to do so..
But,in order to survive i should be self-fish.. isn't it? [struggling between right and wrong ]



---Saint Vs Sin ----