The hollow between the distance~

I am getting tired...

No matter how many hours i have slept ,still i feel so helpless and tired.

Everyday I force myself to accept everyday and wake up to face this grey society..

Without taking count whether I am awaked or not, I drive ,I fetch my brother and cousin to school

Without thinking about my safety, i keep sailing on my everyday...

Seeing every friend of mine is so hardworking and doing excellent in their academic...

seeing my mountain of homeworks always couldn't be done no matter how long i take to do it

Seeing my attitude is deterioting...

I feel so frustrating..

albeit I want myself to be strong..i know i need to...

since that day, I become quiet and do not want to be so generous anymore...

I used to dream that I would sacrifice myself to help those miserably people poor people ....

But now, I already decided not to help anyone anymore...

People wont trust you no matter how hard u try to help them out

People wont gratitude what you do ,they will still think it is a necessity...

People , their hearts, wont change...

They hatred , they hurt and betray each other....

I know i couldnt change a thing from the fact above,

That is why I become selfish...

People critize me

People dislike me

They don't know me , they dont know what am i going through..

They just want me to follow and always be my best...

I am like a dead meat~ dead zombie...alive without soul..

Father mother keep advising me to let it be

There is nothing much that we can do...

I know they are right but I just couldnt accept that it must be turning up to be that way

Someone hit my car , I still need to pretend don't care...dont know....

This stupid society..DAMN IT!

I just can curse them non-stop without doing anything to fight back..

I couldn't fight back because I don't want bad thing happens to me...

I don't want bad thing to happen to me because I love my family so much..

I want to protect them solely with my life...

Thus I close my eyes and hope for the best thing happens to me....

I survive and alive without pride...

I don't know what is the objective i am here as I just can endure each day by bullied by others....

I am tired...because...I am no longer who i am....

Father,please listen...

I never do any bad thing to hurt people..

I dont want You to reward me with anything ..

I just pray to you that those bastards can stay away from me...

I won't interfer their lives..

I hope they won't interfer my life as well !

I know you are there....

I know it...

That is why i plead you here...

That is why i pray so hard for everyday and for those i love..

New Year~ ^^~

Chinese new year now~

I am So happy not only because of the angpaos but the holidays!!

Although it is new year, still I didnt feel very excited as before..

Mood is still swinging ~ couldnt stop thinking about something~

Parents always say that i am so kiddish~

Yea, I know that,just I dont want to change~

It is one of the ways that I get to enjoy life...

The only moment that I can be who I am...

The only moment that I no need to be so serious..

THe only moment that I no need to pretend....

I started arguing with someone because of some historical love story..

I am too good in observing..maybe yes maybe no...

I am too sensitive ...maybe yes and maybe no...

He didnt want to let me know ..

I assumed he is still very protecting that girl....

I know they are still friends even until now...

that i don't care...

I was actually testing him..

Just he didnt realize that..

If he really tell me what i ask for,

Still I won't try it anyway~

I get my hypothesis in the end...as well as the conclusion...

In the end~ we end up with nothing~ time faded away...everything lost....hahaz...

So stupid....for once again....

I am hurt...still i feel like want to laugh~

I am laughing actually~Or crying?

Apparently,I couldnt differenciate it...

I think I like him somehow....

I didnt dare to tell or even admit it as I scare i will be hurt...

How useless I am....

Love doesnt guarantee us a happy ending~

I want to step by step...

but somehow we are just keep stucking in the ori place...

never move at all....

I hope to buy him a valantines' present...

But now, I think it doesnt matter anymore...

I am tired....

ok...just forget about it....