Corner of heart

I skipped class today. one class which is about ethnic. guess you know what criticism will i got in class today but I dont care regardless of what you would like to say.

I have been lectured since the begining of this sem. nah. last sem also got just this sem i wonder why I was the one who did alot of works and still ended up being lectured or scolded. While my partner who doesnt do, i can say not even 20% of the whole assignment is the one who earns the credit. I feel unfair but I just keep quiet. That is why i hate group assignment so much. Parasites everywhere, the one who contributes receive criticism whereas the one who rarely do anything earns the credit.

I attended all the classes and still end up being lectured said i didnt come, always absent. During class, i wonder who is the one that the lecturer looking at . Ghost? my spirit? or maybe she got too many students that couldnt remember me. I never even absent once since the sem has started, except today but it was not her class. I feel hurt that i am not appreciated but being scolded instead. I told myself that even none of a single person in this world can understand myself enough also I dont need to feel sad. I just need to continue with life and as long as God knows that i am doing a good job, that is already enough.

I always being said "polarisasi kaum". I wonder what the heck about others? please dont just point the finger at me and my group. I am so boring to listen to all these craps when summit group list, being lectured on the spot about working with people , different ethnic all stuff. Where the hell can i find someone to work with me? only if they want. not i didnt ask but they are not interested to join cause it is my fault that i am not familiar with them enough. But I understand you guys really want me to learn. I understand and pleaseee give me time to find. Dont just see me one time, lecture me one time. I sometime really cant stand with it. I am REALLY going suffocated.

Dont everytime i will be the only target, be the one who done so much and be the one being lectured among my friends. My friends can just stand there, look at me innocently as if i am the only one who did wrongly and they dont have fault at all? Can i tell the lecturer that please dont just stare at me when you lecture all of us?

Dear all my lecturers, thank you so much that you guys tell me that i am weak enough that i got so much need to learn.

I know very often in life, I learned something earlier than others, I just need to take the feedback and criticism positively then turn it into a new force that will make me do even better in my life . I know this is the time. So I thank God that I learned so much earlier today and when I work, I shall be strong enough to face the criticism again.

Hit me with a big rock, I will hurt but after I recover, I will destroy the rock when you hit me next time.

Actually I am proud of myself enough that i need to face tonnes of problem in this short period of time but i still able to do my work regardless of how hurt i can be compare to others who just lamenting that they cant because of this and that.

Friends , Works and Criticism.
I think this is what I will face when i work.

The FAKE people who looks sincere enough to let me know who they really are, they act so much better than i could never expect.
The WORKS that I dont know, and too many blur instructions that I gotta redo keep redoing, keep running check and change by my own for GROUP Assignment within 2 hours.
What I earn from friend is just "thank you and sorry that I didnt do much". I am already used to this kind of "rewards".
Criticism eiher from lecturers or friends.
I care a lot of the criticism from lecturers. I wish I can perform better according to their demands but never expect to perform so badly at last.
there are tonnes of other things that i couldnt say here.
at least this 40% is better to throw it here than to keep 100% to myself.

I will not just get over with this 40%, I will deal with it instead. Cause honestly speaking, I got my faults.