Hi blogger,

It is finally holiday. Today is the first day of my holiday spent at home. I woke up thinking that I gotta do something, I have a few objectives to fulfill in this one month break. yea. I have and I have to determine enough to fulfill it. Getting a job is no longer practical for me cause I don't have a car at this stage. But I won't just sit at home and rot and wait for my stupid cgpa to come out (I don't wish to see that anyway).

 There are a lot of thoughts and a lot of things that I just recently found out. Yesterday was a surprised for me. Cause I didn't know that my parents are having some hard times because they are just like me, covering up themselves so well. Talking to dad was a pleasure to me and we had some heart to heart talk. He did tell me about his situation, about our life now which today we might eat something good and we never know about tomorrow. My heart sank when i looked at him. Not feeling disappointed, not frustrated, it is just heart pain to see what he is going through and I can't do anything to lessen his pain. It is not easy cause I don't have what is required to do that yet.I know his pride just like how well I know my pride. It is not easy, not gonna be easy and I won't believe it.


yesterday I also came to realize actually being less poor didn't actually mean that gonna make a super big difference in our life, not for this family anyway. We can be physically poor but never spiritually or mentally. I feel calm when I know this is normal and this is okay, this is just temporary. But I feel panic when I need to explain to this society, I told myself I shouldn't be afraid to admit it. I know I don't want to be pitied and felt sorry for. I don't want people to say I can help you if you need, just tell me if there is anything. I borrow you. err...no... We don't need anything seriously. We have everything that is enough for us, just we might not have something extra but it doesn't mean we have anything lesser than anyone else. Perspective. I changed. God, I know you always has a plan for me. I shouldn't be afraid anymore. Just be contented and grow rich. =)